The Gospel

Mexico was coming to an end and as each day grew closer to our departure date, our hearts would break further.  Leaving orphaned children behind is no easy task, especially when you have loved them as if you were bringing them home.  “Give until it hurts”.  That’s the quote on our refrigerator and we were living it those last days in Mexico.

I had returned to our little duplex at the mission after a long day’s work and Steve informed me he had received an important email.  “Our dossier has been accepted by Colombia!”, he announced.  To be honest, my heart was so full of sadness at the thought of leaving the children at the mission, I didn’t really embrace the full impact of that statement. At that same time we were sent a picture of two Colombian children from another agency who were a part of a hosting program in Chicago.  We began to investigate that lead and thought that for sure they were to be our children.  After all, it was the first sibling group since J&J that we had known about and the timing seemed perfect.  We began to imagine ourselves adopting them but had to wait one week until sending in a letter with intent to adopt because of the stipulations surrounding the hosting program.  Things seemed to be on a new course and as a family we were on another journey.  It wasn’t until four days later, four days later, that I would realize what that really meant.  

We were driving home and had stopped at the border of California and Nevada for lunch.  We were at the table waiting for our food to arrive when I received a phone call from our adoption agency.  “Can you receive emails where you are? OK. I’m going to send you something.”  Click.  I’m not gonna lie, I immediately thought of J&J.  You know, when you’ve believed God for the impossible, you just never know when He’s going to perform it.  I opened up my email and began to scroll through the Spanish text.  I called Trevor and asked what all of it meant.  He asked if I saw the pictures at the bottom.  No, of course not. I revisited the email as he explained to me that this was an official referral from Colombia.  They had matched us with two children.  No, they weren’t J&J but they were a sibling pair from Colombia and they were handpicked for us.

The pictures caught me off guard.  The first was the oldest child.  A girl.  Eleven.  She looked just like the children I had just said goodbye to in Mexico.  Then there was her little sister.  Another girl.  Two.  TWO.  Yes, two years old!

My head began to swim. Two girls!  That was never on my grid. What about the brother and sister from the hosting program happening in Chicago?   I always thought it would be a brother and a sister but here I was looking at two little girls that needed a mommy, a daddy and a family.  Lord, why two sets of siblings to decide between?  Now, our neat and tidy journey just got complicated.

The drive home was so emotional.  We were told we had 30 days to make a decision.  How do you make a decision?  Don’t you just say ‘yes’ to one and ‘no’ to the other?  It wasn’t so easy.  We began to pray and pray.  We made ‘pros and cons‘ lists, cried, talked and prayed more.  We finally had to ask the Lord to close doors because we couldn’t decide.  It wasn’t because we wanted one sibling group more than the other but how do you say ‘no‘ to either?  They both need a family!  They both need love!  As the days went by we watched God close doors, one by one, to the brother and sister.  It seemed as if God was saying that the girls were His choice for us.

We finally began to receive paperwork on them so that we could learn something about them and what I found literally brought me to my knees.  The details of their past are insignificant to the story (although not to life) and I found myself reading over and over again the line in their report that said the older sister didn’t want to be adopted.  She had a family and wanted them.  I guess it doesn’t matter how badly a parent treats a child, love is love.  Love forgives and believes all things.  She loved them.  Still.  After all this time. After all the pain. She still loved them.  It messed with my mind.  How could I take her from her family?  Technically she wasn’t with them but how could I step into her mother’s shoes and expect her to love me the same way?  How could she love my children if she still loved her other sisters (unadoptable due to age) and still had relationship with them?  How would she ever love our family if she loved hers?  

Steve had already said ‘yes’ in his heart but I couldn’t.  My heart was torn for my biological children. I was hurting for them.  I was hurting for me.

It was a Saturday morning, two Saturdays ago to be exact, when I felt like my epiphany happened.  I had been crying out to the Lord for an answer and in that state, I began to examine the cross.  I have always seen it from Christ’s perspective.  Lay your life down so someone else might have life.  Suffer, if necessary, so that someone else doesn’t have to anymore.  Give up your rights so that someone else can have some.   That’s what adoption was.  ‘Kara, lay your life down so they can have life’.  “Yes” was always my answer but why wouldn’t it come easily?  It was when the perspective changed that everything else did too.  I began to view the cross from the Father’s perspective.  Why I haven’t ever done that I’m not sure.  Maybe I have but the effects of it didn’t stick for some reason.  

I saw the Father giving up His son willfully.  “For God so loved the world that He gave...”.  He gave His son in order to give others the opportunity to gain what the Son had always had...relationship.  He was willing to sacrifice Him in order to win them.  Sacrifice my children?  What loving mother would do that?  Who would knowingly put their child out there to be subject to rejection?  Who would set their child up to be despised?  Then He answered.

“I would.  I did.  I did it for you and so many others. I did it because of Love.  I did it because I wanted many sons to come to Glory.  You are now my child because I was willing to sacrifice my firstborn, my only Son.  Do you think your children are more important than my Son?  Do you think you love them more than I loved my Son?  The same Spirit that lives in you and your children raised my Son from the dead.  Will it not be sufficient for your children?” 

I don’t know if you have ever been delivered but at that moment I was delivered. I was delivered from fear.  I was free to love these two little girls because God had loved me.  I was free to model love for my biological children and trust that the Father would be faithful to them just as He was faithful to bring life to His own Son!  He sweetly ministered other things to my heart that made me smile and as I entertained His presence, I was filled with Peace.  

It might sound so cold to look at your biological children, explain to them the possibilities and know that they may suffer rejection but it was so incredible to look and listen to them share their hearts with me.  With tears streaming down her face, Anna said to me, “Mom, if she doesn’t love me back, that’s ok.  I’ll love her anyway”.

For about 2 weeks I lived with some harsh realities but also comforted by the Father’s love and promise!  Then, last week we got an updated report stating the older sister desires a family now.  She wants to be adopted! The other report was almost two years old!  Isn’t God good to bring me to knees and to that reality of His love and heart?

I’m not naive.  I know she still loves her family. I expect that.  But I also expect God will perform something special in all of us.  Something that goes beyond circumstances, pasts, the present and the future.  The cross.  He works the cross in all those who love Him.  And, the cross isn’t so much about suffering rejection and bearing the weight of Sin, even though that’s a huge part of it.  It’s about something greater.  It’s about Love.  He’ll be faithful to complete the good work He’s begun in all of us.

Now, we are frantically preparing our home for two more....mostly for a TWO year old!  Their bedrooms are almost ready.  Finalizing paperwork is keeping us busy.  Steve is preparing his work for his absence.  Homeschooling is happening as we sort through toys and books.  Life is crazy and about to get crazier.  We hope to be on a plane November 1st and so travel plans are starting to happen.  We’re still fundraising and in need of supernatural provision but I know the Lord will be faithful.  He always is.  In every thing. In every way. He is faithful.

Hopefully we’ll update from Colombia (assuming we have internet).  Until then, please keep us in your prayers.  Pray for the girls’ transition.  Pray for our biological family’s transition.  We are certainly on the biggest journey thus far in our lives but our hearts burn within us because we know that He walks with us!


You can contact us at: 
Rosen Family
P. O. Box 12
Drake, CO 80515
rosenfamily6@yahoo.com                            

Living and Loving in the Baja

Hola!

Well, it's finally here!  After being in Mexico for nearly two weeks we are finally getting around to putting out an update!  Actually, it's been so busy that I haven't really had time to sit and journal everything going on but since I have two sick boys today, I am home with them and have extra time to write.

We arrived at the mission in Mexico on Sunday, August 3rd around 8:30pm.  It was a long day but exciting.  We were headed to our beloved Baja!  I had spent a couple of nights with my sister, Lori, in Los Angeles and woke on Sunday morning early to head south.  We met up with a team from Fountain Valley and began our drive to the border.  We were the middle vehicle in a three-car caravan and felt pretty secure.  Crossing the border is always a game of holding your breath.  For some reason, you pass over and through the guards and have this sense that you're doing something wrong.  What if they search your car and find something that causes them to detain you (even though there's nothing illegal in your possession)...it's the strangest feeling.  You feel guilty as they stare at you even when you're not!  In Tijuana, when you cross, sometimes you get waved on through and other times you get stopped and searched.  Well, we were searched this time.  It wasn't too bad since our suitcases were packed with nothing but the usuals but it was still a slight delay. Then we had to head over to purchase our visas.  In Mexico, at least at the Baja border, when you cross you have to purchase a 6-month visa if you are going to be there longer than 7 days.  Each visa is $25.  That's not a lot unless you're multiplying it times 5 and are on a tight budget already.  That extra $125 could go towards something better than a visa...like food/clothing for the poor.  Anyway, I went in to purchase our visas and after taking care of mine, I asked the officer if it was really necessary for my children to have one.  He said, "How long are you here for?".  I told him 4 weeks and he said "yes" that everyone needed it if it was longer than 7 days.  But then he said, "You shouldn't have told me that you were here for 4 weeks and then I would have let you cross without the fee"...to which I replied, "But the I would have lied and I don't lie".  He paused, looked at me for a moment, and then said, "Just go on and don't tell anyone I did this for you". He stamped our passports and away we went.  Total savings, $100.  My faith-filled Anna said, "See Mom, God always provides".  Yes, He does. 

We crossed and began the drive to Vicente Guerrero.  To the right, the ocean was beautiful and perfect.  To the left, poverty abounded.  God's handiwork vs. man's.  What a contrast.  For the next couple of hours we meandered through the countryside enjoying being back in Mexico and seeing all the sights.  At Ensenada we took a little stop at McDonald's.  One of the ladies in our caravan wanted to buy the kids ice cream.  So, McFlurry's for all!  As we were all gearing up to leave and begin the last two hours of our trip, I realized that I never went into WalMart (which was across the street).  I had to purchase a couple of items to bring to the mission and couldn't go on until I did that.  The team was ready to get going so I did the unthinkable (to everyone but me)....I told them to go on without me. Collective gulp!  They asked if I felt confident to drive the last two hours on my own and I said, "Sure!".  So, I did.  Actually, it was right up my alley.  A little bit of excitement always makes my trips more adventuresome!  The last two hours of driving were wonderful as we followed the only paved highway on the Baja down to the San Quintin Valley.  Once we cleared the mountains we new we were close as the endless western sky was ahead with nothing to stop it as it stretched out over the ocean.  Pulling into Vicente Guerrero caused a burst of "I remember this" and "I remember that" from all of us....we were here....in a way it felt like we were home!

Monday morning came early and our day began as usual here...sala (the missions morning devotions) and work!  We met with our dear friend Marisol and talked with her about the jobs that were available and then she asked what we wanted to do.  It was finally settled and off we went.

Kate:  In the past, normally Kate works in the Day Care.  She loves being with the children but this year she wanted to do something different.  So, her job is in the nut house!  Literally!  She works in the nut house! :)  Here at the mission there is a macadamia nut orchard with over 2,000 trees.  It's organic and the only business (other than the gift shop) functioning to bring in income.  Other than that money, the mission survives on donations alone.  So, the work done there is pretty important.  We're nearing harvest season again and since last year's harvest was twice the harvest from the year before there is still quite a bit of work left over to be done.  When we arrived Kate went through training and was taught how to sort through the nuts, determining which were superior from those that were good, bad and ugly (literally).  Each having different functions ultimately.  The superior ones are sold to a buyer in Mexico City and so they have to be top notch.  Kate, through training and now working hands on with the nuts, has become quite the macadamia nut connoisseur.  She works with two other people and has really been enjoying her job.  Although she's not directly been working with the orphans, she feels like the Lord has been doing a lot inside of her and has been teaching her a lot about herself and Him just by working with nuts....I told her God's used a lot of nuts to teach me about Him, too, (and that I'm the biggest one!)  :) 

Anna:  A few years ago when Anna began working in the Learning Center (House of Mephibosheth), God taught her the difference in serving the disabled in your own strength and serving in His.  So, now when we come, her heart is to serve there.  She's there every day from 8am until 1pm.  She does everything from preparing snacks to tutoring.  She's quite the busy little bee and loves every second of it.  In the afternoons, she works in Children Evangelism.  She leaves the mission with a teacher and some visitors (people who come and serve for one week and leave are called "visitors") and goes out into the communities nearby to bring spiritual and natural food for the children.  The areas are impoverished but the people are beautiful.  The evangelism team sets up a tarp, gathers the children from the streets, does crafts, tells stories, performs skits and does various other activities to communicate the gospel to these little ones.  Then before leaving, they give every child a heaping spoonful of peanut butter and a glass of milk because vitamin D and protein are missing from these kids' diet.  She loves being a part of this ministry.  She misses dinner with the family every evening but always comes in with a BIG smile on her face.

Stephen: Well, this is a big year for him here.  Normally, he works by Steve's side because he's been too young to have his own work assignment.  This year, Daddy isn't here (yet) and so Stephen's been trusted by the mission to be on his own.  He works with a dear friend of ours, Rafael (local Mexican) doing construction.  He's been cutting tile for the floors that are being laid in the renovations for staff housing.  He's been painting, grouting and hanging cabinets as well.  He loves being hands on and has a huge sense of accomplishment when he looks back at what he's done.  The other thing that Stephen has been doing is spending any free time with the boys of Casa 4 (House 4) and another boy his age in the next village over.  These are boys that we have watched grow up that are comparable to Stephen's age.  We love them all dearly and it's good for them to all spend time together playing football (soccer).  Friendships deepen and lots of notes are taken - on both sides.  It's a real opportunity for these boys to see how a young man is supposed to be (not that Stephen is perfect but he's being trained in righteousness by a father) and it's good for Stephen to see what happens when you go without that training and that he should not resist it.  Proverbs says it best, "My son hear the instruction of thy father and forsake not the law of thy mother.  For they shall be an ornament of grace upon thy head and chains about thy neck". Listen to your mother and father, Stephen, and Lord, give us wisdom!  

Quick story: Last night one of the Casa 4 boys was over for dinner at our place and after being with us for a few hours we brought him home.  When we arrived I asked the Casa mom if I could speak with her.  She agreed and we walked outside together.  (Note: Casa parents care for 8-15 children 24/7.  It's really challenging to give every child everything they need ... most days they are just trying to keep order and keep the laundry done.)  I had wanted to ask this casa mom if it was ok if when Steve arrived if we could take all the boys to the beach but the conversation quickly turned to her talking about needing wisdom and strength.  Her heart to serve these boys is so beautiful but there aren't enough hours in the day to give each of them what they are lacking because of being orphaned and she sees that and is crying out to the Lord for provision. Please remember to pray for her.  I'll call her Estella.

Nathan gets to work with Mommy and he loves it!  My job is in the Cuna (nursery) this year.  I help another woman care for 9 babies under the age of 3.  It's a full time job but Nathan is right by my side, working as hard as I am!  His biggest job is to play with those little ones, get the runny noses, gather sippy cups, and report stinky diapers.  I don't know what I would do without him.  As for me, as much as I love what I do, it's also heart wrenching.  These babies are here for various reasons.  Some are here because their parents were in an accident and died, some are here because social services took them from abusive homes, some are here because their parents can't feed or care for them any longer...in any case, these babies are orphaned.  There are couple of children that won my heart instantly and I want to bring them home with me (but then there's that border crossing issue...)  anyway, one of the little girls here arrived just a couple of days before we did and her transition was quite traumatic.  She's three and spent the first week here on an emotional roller coaster.  She quickly latched on to me and began calling me "mommy".  Either I look like her mom or my role as a mom in caring for her causes that response.  She's very petite and must have an american mother/father because she's very light skinned.  When she came here from social services, her hair was cut short like a boy's but this little beauty is anything but boyish.  She's a girly girl.  She likes bows and ribbons and dresses and "zapatos" (shoes).  There are serious signs of abandonment and abuse and in my anger I struggle to have Christ's heart for her parents but I know that Jesus died for them too.  So, I ask Him for His heart to pray for their healing and salvation so that their family can be reunited and have a testimony to the faithfulness of God.  There is also another another who has won my heart... a little man. 

He's somewhere between 18 and 24 months old.  Three days ago he was brought here by his father (who is a migrant worker).  I assume that the father can no longer care for him.  In the camps the adults work for 12-13 hour days and so the children are basically left on their own.  There might be a few people left to keep an eye on them while the parents work but that really means the children do whatever they want all day long and are just kept within the camp's perimeter.  I've seen these kids just wandering around all day long and it's heartbreaking.  I'd like to think that this dad wants more for "little man" than life in the camp and so he brought him here to the mission.  I don't know where the mom was.  Maybe she's not around at all, maybe she was so heartbroken that they had to give him up that she couldn't bring herself to come to the orphanage.  I don't know.  All I know is that this little man is so precious.  He's very dark skinned...Mexican Indian. His people are from the indigenous tribes of Mexico.  His little black hairs stand straight up on his head and he looks like a little porcupine.  His crooked smile melts my heart and his dark black eyes break it when they fill with tears as he holds his arms up for me to lift him into mine.  I'm sure it tore his father's heart out to leave his son here and yet he must smile at the thought of his son being clean and having a full tummy and 24 hour care.  Oh Jesus, this is such a broken world. 

In another update I will tell you about Alma.  She's a friend of mine who is in great need and is suffering quite a bit right now. Please keep her in your prayers.  

As for now, I must go.  Stephen and Nathan caught a bug that has been going around the Cuna (because all of my children are in there with every little break from work they get).  So, the girls got the bug first (and me) and now the boys have it.  The only good thing about it is that it has given me the chance to sit and write an update.  Otherwise, I'd be too busy to write.

I'll post another update soon and until then, pray for the people of Mexico.  They are beautiful people and in need of the gospel and His hands and feet.  Pray about serving in this nation.  It's our closest neighbor in need and I promise, it will richly bless you.

I pray your summer is going well and that you are enjoying all the benefits of being His....

Saved to love,

Kara and kids

Held Together By Love

Held Together By Love

Well, to say that it's been a long time since my last post would be quite the understatement!  Some of you may be wondering what in the world is going on with our adoption, others might think we took our fundraising money and jet set for Santorini (actually we would have only made it to the middle of the Atlantic) and a few of you know the whole story....which I finally will share publicly.  

One of my hesitations for sharing this publicly is because I wanted to be able to give responses to questions or comments....especially if the remark was made "but I thought God said".  I wanted to be able to defend God ... but then I remembered Job.  God needs no defense.  He is who He is and I love Him for that.

Last September we learned that the middle man on our case wasn't so honest.  To be blunt, he lied, deceived, betrayed us and sabotaged our adoption.  By the time we learned about this, our two children were in someone else's arms.

The news came as a blow and to be honest, we couldn't go on with adopting...anyone.  We stopped learning Spanish and put the paperwork on hold.  Then the Big Thompson Flood came a week later and our evacuation was a much needed diversion from the situation at hand.  We moved to Loveland for 4 months and got very involved in local activities that kept us busy.  Late winter, I went to a special evening to hear the testimony of a friend who had just adopted.  Their story was quite amazing but the thing that caught me off guard was the fact that this little girl had been in multiple homes before finding my friend's family as her forever home.  This little girl was the victim (really?) of failed adoptions and they led her to her current home where she is thriving!

Somewhere along the way that evening, my heart began to beat again....I did feel the pain of loss again but I also felt something different....hope.  

Early Spring, when we should have been getting our children, we were scheduled to meet a little girl that other friend's had adopted from Colombia.  We were on the same track as they were and should have been introducing each to the other's child, but that's not how it worked out.  I'm not gonna lie, we were a little nervous about the meeting because I didn't know what kind of emotions would be evoked....and my children, they were a little apprehensive as well.  Finally, the big day came and the most surprising thing happened.  Our hearts burst with love for this little girl and we all knew that the impossible was possible.  We could love other children the way we had loved J&J!  We were ready to begin the process again!

So, the process to adopt is underway.  Regarding J&J, well, we believe as much today as we did then that they are our children.  How that will play out is really God's business.  He asks us to trust Him and so we do.  We cannot pray that their adoption will fail because that means we are praying that they would endure further pain and disappointment.  We do pray for them, however, that God will bless them and keep them and that His will would be done in their lives.  If that involves us at some point in the future, God knows our hearts and our home will always be open to them....or if our place in their lives is just to love them and pray for them and then we meet them someday in Glory, then so be it.   God is not a man that He should lie.  He is faithful to His promises and He keeps His word.  How He does that is His business and it is mine to trust Him.

Meanwhile, we are waiting to see who the Lord will bring us.  It's a little different this time around because we don't know who the children are that we are adopting but God does.  We trust Him that He will bring to us those that belong with us.

If I had written this post months ago, I'm certain it would have been more emotional and less direct and to-the-point, but I'm writing it now, from Mexico, and to be honest, I'm writing from a very real place....an orphanage... where every day I take care of children who have been abandoned or who have parents who died.  My adoption story isn't so dramatic or emotional when I look into the eyes of children who hurt so deeply that only the finger of God will be able to wipe away their tears.  The fears here that some of these children have are so great that when I think that I feared what people would think about us (since we had made so bold a statement about J&J), it exposes my pride and I am ashamed.  It's one thing to be sitting at home in the comfort of your life pursuing an adoption but it's another thing to be here holding children that will most likely, never be adopted.  Yes, this is an amazing place. The children are loved, safe and want for

nothing....except a family.  This is the reality of Mexico's orphans and millions of others and my story is about the reality of what you will do when you say "yes" to God....what you might go through when you say "yes" to God. It might be losing it all or gaining the world but is it about you or is it about Him?  Is it about believing that you belong to Him for Him to do what He wills with your life, possessions and emotions?  They were purchased for His use, for His glory.  Becoming Love isn't easy.  Sometimes He gives and sometimes He takes away.  Sometimes He does it all at the same time but what is love's response?  Do we pout and quit or do we stand our ground and determine to be available no matter the cost?    

How could I have thought that my heart could only love J&J...sure, God's fingerprints were all over it but to think that His hand couldn't hold someone else for us love...really? .... I couldn't believe how selfish my heart could be.   Where was my faith?  For months it was in what I could see, the promises, the dreams.  Today, I stand sobered because of my surroundings and yet, full of faith....in God....the one I cannot see yet the one whom I trust and love.  

I want to be Love.  I want to live with open hands.  I want to live with a heart willing to be broken.  I want to enjoy the pain and the glory of Love.  I want Him.

I care not today what the morrow may bring,

If shadow or sunshine or rain,

The Lord I know ruleth o’er everything,

And all of my worries are vain.

Living by faith in Jesus above,

Trusting, confiding in His great love;

From all harm safe in His sheltering arm,

I’m living by faith and feel no alarm.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for;  the evidence of things not seen"....Hebrews 11:1