The Gospel

Mexico was coming to an end and as each day grew closer to our departure date, our hearts would break further.  Leaving orphaned children behind is no easy task, especially when you have loved them as if you were bringing them home.  “Give until it hurts”.  That’s the quote on our refrigerator and we were living it those last days in Mexico.

I had returned to our little duplex at the mission after a long day’s work and Steve informed me he had received an important email.  “Our dossier has been accepted by Colombia!”, he announced.  To be honest, my heart was so full of sadness at the thought of leaving the children at the mission, I didn’t really embrace the full impact of that statement. At that same time we were sent a picture of two Colombian children from another agency who were a part of a hosting program in Chicago.  We began to investigate that lead and thought that for sure they were to be our children.  After all, it was the first sibling group since J&J that we had known about and the timing seemed perfect.  We began to imagine ourselves adopting them but had to wait one week until sending in a letter with intent to adopt because of the stipulations surrounding the hosting program.  Things seemed to be on a new course and as a family we were on another journey.  It wasn’t until four days later, four days later, that I would realize what that really meant.  

We were driving home and had stopped at the border of California and Nevada for lunch.  We were at the table waiting for our food to arrive when I received a phone call from our adoption agency.  “Can you receive emails where you are? OK. I’m going to send you something.”  Click.  I’m not gonna lie, I immediately thought of J&J.  You know, when you’ve believed God for the impossible, you just never know when He’s going to perform it.  I opened up my email and began to scroll through the Spanish text.  I called Trevor and asked what all of it meant.  He asked if I saw the pictures at the bottom.  No, of course not. I revisited the email as he explained to me that this was an official referral from Colombia.  They had matched us with two children.  No, they weren’t J&J but they were a sibling pair from Colombia and they were handpicked for us.

The pictures caught me off guard.  The first was the oldest child.  A girl.  Eleven.  She looked just like the children I had just said goodbye to in Mexico.  Then there was her little sister.  Another girl.  Two.  TWO.  Yes, two years old!

My head began to swim. Two girls!  That was never on my grid. What about the brother and sister from the hosting program happening in Chicago?   I always thought it would be a brother and a sister but here I was looking at two little girls that needed a mommy, a daddy and a family.  Lord, why two sets of siblings to decide between?  Now, our neat and tidy journey just got complicated.

The drive home was so emotional.  We were told we had 30 days to make a decision.  How do you make a decision?  Don’t you just say ‘yes’ to one and ‘no’ to the other?  It wasn’t so easy.  We began to pray and pray.  We made ‘pros and cons‘ lists, cried, talked and prayed more.  We finally had to ask the Lord to close doors because we couldn’t decide.  It wasn’t because we wanted one sibling group more than the other but how do you say ‘no‘ to either?  They both need a family!  They both need love!  As the days went by we watched God close doors, one by one, to the brother and sister.  It seemed as if God was saying that the girls were His choice for us.

We finally began to receive paperwork on them so that we could learn something about them and what I found literally brought me to my knees.  The details of their past are insignificant to the story (although not to life) and I found myself reading over and over again the line in their report that said the older sister didn’t want to be adopted.  She had a family and wanted them.  I guess it doesn’t matter how badly a parent treats a child, love is love.  Love forgives and believes all things.  She loved them.  Still.  After all this time. After all the pain. She still loved them.  It messed with my mind.  How could I take her from her family?  Technically she wasn’t with them but how could I step into her mother’s shoes and expect her to love me the same way?  How could she love my children if she still loved her other sisters (unadoptable due to age) and still had relationship with them?  How would she ever love our family if she loved hers?  

Steve had already said ‘yes’ in his heart but I couldn’t.  My heart was torn for my biological children. I was hurting for them.  I was hurting for me.

It was a Saturday morning, two Saturdays ago to be exact, when I felt like my epiphany happened.  I had been crying out to the Lord for an answer and in that state, I began to examine the cross.  I have always seen it from Christ’s perspective.  Lay your life down so someone else might have life.  Suffer, if necessary, so that someone else doesn’t have to anymore.  Give up your rights so that someone else can have some.   That’s what adoption was.  ‘Kara, lay your life down so they can have life’.  “Yes” was always my answer but why wouldn’t it come easily?  It was when the perspective changed that everything else did too.  I began to view the cross from the Father’s perspective.  Why I haven’t ever done that I’m not sure.  Maybe I have but the effects of it didn’t stick for some reason.  

I saw the Father giving up His son willfully.  “For God so loved the world that He gave...”.  He gave His son in order to give others the opportunity to gain what the Son had always had...relationship.  He was willing to sacrifice Him in order to win them.  Sacrifice my children?  What loving mother would do that?  Who would knowingly put their child out there to be subject to rejection?  Who would set their child up to be despised?  Then He answered.

“I would.  I did.  I did it for you and so many others. I did it because of Love.  I did it because I wanted many sons to come to Glory.  You are now my child because I was willing to sacrifice my firstborn, my only Son.  Do you think your children are more important than my Son?  Do you think you love them more than I loved my Son?  The same Spirit that lives in you and your children raised my Son from the dead.  Will it not be sufficient for your children?” 

I don’t know if you have ever been delivered but at that moment I was delivered. I was delivered from fear.  I was free to love these two little girls because God had loved me.  I was free to model love for my biological children and trust that the Father would be faithful to them just as He was faithful to bring life to His own Son!  He sweetly ministered other things to my heart that made me smile and as I entertained His presence, I was filled with Peace.  

It might sound so cold to look at your biological children, explain to them the possibilities and know that they may suffer rejection but it was so incredible to look and listen to them share their hearts with me.  With tears streaming down her face, Anna said to me, “Mom, if she doesn’t love me back, that’s ok.  I’ll love her anyway”.

For about 2 weeks I lived with some harsh realities but also comforted by the Father’s love and promise!  Then, last week we got an updated report stating the older sister desires a family now.  She wants to be adopted! The other report was almost two years old!  Isn’t God good to bring me to knees and to that reality of His love and heart?

I’m not naive.  I know she still loves her family. I expect that.  But I also expect God will perform something special in all of us.  Something that goes beyond circumstances, pasts, the present and the future.  The cross.  He works the cross in all those who love Him.  And, the cross isn’t so much about suffering rejection and bearing the weight of Sin, even though that’s a huge part of it.  It’s about something greater.  It’s about Love.  He’ll be faithful to complete the good work He’s begun in all of us.

Now, we are frantically preparing our home for two more....mostly for a TWO year old!  Their bedrooms are almost ready.  Finalizing paperwork is keeping us busy.  Steve is preparing his work for his absence.  Homeschooling is happening as we sort through toys and books.  Life is crazy and about to get crazier.  We hope to be on a plane November 1st and so travel plans are starting to happen.  We’re still fundraising and in need of supernatural provision but I know the Lord will be faithful.  He always is.  In every thing. In every way. He is faithful.

Hopefully we’ll update from Colombia (assuming we have internet).  Until then, please keep us in your prayers.  Pray for the girls’ transition.  Pray for our biological family’s transition.  We are certainly on the biggest journey thus far in our lives but our hearts burn within us because we know that He walks with us!


You can contact us at: 
Rosen Family
P. O. Box 12
Drake, CO 80515
rosenfamily6@yahoo.com